Let’s face it: whether we want to admit it or not, most of us hold a very idealized concept of love. We want it to fulfill our needs, to last forever, and to be without challenges. In our ideal, the object of our love should be pleasing to the eye, infinitely compassionate and patient with our shortcomings, and virtually without fault or weakness. Ah, that it were this way! Life should be so easy.
The truth will set us free. How much we often chafe under the constraints of our relationships, but relief is in sight. The simple answer comes in being honest about who we are and what we feel. Truth creates freedom by the fact that it establishes us in integrity. In Webster’s Dictionary, the first meaning of the word “integrity” is defined as “the quality or state of being complete, unbroken condition, wholeness, entirety.
Show me a couple that never argues, and I’ll show you two people who do not deal with their issues. Show me a couple that keeps arguing about the same thing, and I’ll show you another two people who do not deal with their issues. The good news is: arguing can be healthy and normal, and we can learn to argue in a way in which everyone can win.
Thanksgiving–many of our highest aspirations as human beings are magnified around this traditional time of family, spirituality and gratitude. It brings out the joy of sharing, but the very magnification of those ideals can sometimes have the opposite effect, and only serve to make us more aware of where we experience ourselves as lacking.
“Gimme Love, Gimme Love, Gimme Sweet, Sweet Love…” That’s from George Harrison, but one could choose any one of thousands of popular over the years where the sentiment is the same: “I love you, I need you, I can’t live without you.” Ah, where is the border between loving and wanting, between romantic love and true love, between getting our needs met and being there for others?
Divorce therapy? Are you kidding? You’re finally getting that fool out of your life and now someone’s suggesting you do psychotherapy together? Now, what good would that do–rehashing all the stuff you could never work out? Sounds pretty unpleasant, doesn’t it?
But let’s consider this a little further. What are the alternatives? Perhaps they include leaving years of commitment together with anger and hurt as the predominant memories